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The Damndest Damn Blog

it’s Tuesday and as promised it’s my original idea of taking ten things and counting them backwards until I get to number one – got it? This is a totally new idea so don’t steal it.

TOP TEN VEGETABLES I CAN LIVE WITHOUT

10. Turnips – it’s a root.
9. Beets – a vegetable that has NUTTY flavors? USELESS – we have nuts for that. Show me a nut that has veggie flavors and I’ll be impressed.
8. Okra – is there another vegetable that is tougher to eat? Give me the peas in your pod! Okra would be better used as a fabric or something.
7. Rutabaga – Fun to say, but a cross between cabbages and turnips – MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
6. Rhubarb – You have to ask? Well no, I’ve never had it either, THUS IT MADE THE LIST OF VEGETABLES I CAN LIVE WITHOUT!
5. Yams – call them sweet potatoes and get off my back!
4. Radish – useless garnish. Sounds like something you catch as in an STD. “Andy was doing great until he got Radish. Yeah, now he has to walk sideways. Poor guy.”
3. Leek – the national vegetable of Wales. Prince Charles isn’t he the something of Wales? Need I say more?
2. Chicory – it’s a bitter vegetable – and it’s really bitter because it didn’t make #1 on my list. Which leads us to…
1. Stephen Hawking – seriously. Black holes EMIT radiation? I thought a black hole’s gravitational field was so powerful that not even visible light (“electromagnetic radiation”, by the way STEPHEN!!) could escape!! How could it do that AND emit radiation?? I mean his Hawking Radiation theory (the EMIT radiation thingy) is based on a theory (black holes). C’mon Cambridge AND Oxford? Someone’s a little bit of an *over-acheiver*!!!! Here’s a theory: someone didn’t get laid muuuuuuuch! “DO YOU WANT TO PLAY A GAME?”

I did this whole list so because I thought adding Stephen Hawking would be funny, then I realized he’s not a vegetable, just nearly completely paralyzed because of ALS.

I’m going to hell.

Tomorrow’s post from the flaming inferno located at the center of the earth: My First Time Night Driving

Ken

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