Sep 25
The Damndest Damn Blog
I know I promised a story – so here it is.
I was in college in Pennsylvania. A little school, an hour or so southeast of Pittsburgh. It’s actually where Rick the Stick started. California University of Pennsylvania. That’s right – you read it correctly. It was in a town called California, Pennsylvania. Classic one traffic light town at that time. Hell, everyone was delirious when a Subway opened – it was 1991.
At that school if you weren’t Greek – you didn’t party. I joined a fraternity with a great bunch of guys – Phi Kappa Sigma – we were known as ‘the Skulls’. Mostly because there was another fraternity on campus that was called Phi Kaps. But despite my pledging and becoming a brother, the Skulls were cool.
I actually enjoyed being the cartoonist who drew Rick The Stick back then. They were single panels and really poorly done. Regardless, for some reason – people dug them. Probably because there wasn’t a Subway (and no Internet) when I started it – they were bored silly – or drunk. Quite possibly both.
I don’t know how it is at other schools, but every year the fraternities at C.U.P. (I know, I know), would have a formal and semi-formal. If you don’t know what that is look it up here. At any rate, the drink of the night was a blue whale and I.C. Light. I opted for both.
It turned out to be the last night I drank liquor.
I was wearing Bass shoes – my friends called them Bucks, but apparently that’s not the name of them. Anyway, not a practical shoe for the linoleum floor of the California, PA Italian Club. They aren’t the most slip proof.
After boozing for a couple of hours double fisted, I thought I could dance. As you can see, the bad ideas are piling up here.
I was doing my best MC Hammer (hot at the time – yes I know I’m old), and I started to slip backwards. Careful not to spill my drinks – I caught myself…for a split second before falling fast first onto the floor. I remember telling the manager that night I was going to sue him…that was the last thing I recall…
Until the next morning.
You know in the movies, when it starts out black and fades to the scene where your point of view is looking up at the ceiling? Check. You know in the movies when you see someone totally hung over starting to sit up from sleeping on their couch and they look groggy and disoriented – hair all a mess? Check. You know when they have cotton mouth and run their tongue over their teeth?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
The memory still haunts me. Both of my front teeth were broken in half and the nerves were exposed – running my tongue across them was just another bad move in a long line of them within that 24 hour period.
Fortunately, I found a dentist that day (a Sunday) who would help me out. The good news is, the caps he put in were only supposed to last at the most – six months. They lasted ten years. The bad news is, they were too big and too long and made me look like a horse. More bad news is I couldn’t afford to replace them for ten years – so I had horse mouth for ten years.
The really bad news is, that when I finally had them replaced, the replacements weren’t much better. This is what I looked like when one of them recently fell out.
Hope you enjoyed the story… Have a great day!!!
Ken
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